I cut myself like it’s nothing.

I don’t even bother to cry for help when the bloods rushed out my flesh.

I thought of suicide every single time I’ve got BUT I seems not to attempt one ’cause I’m afraid of dying.

The thought of me lying alone in my own grave scares the hell out of me.

But I still got the idea to take my won life.

I don’t know anymore.

I’m hopeless.


Give up.

I thought I was going to give up.

When the life is tearing me apart, I’m broken down.

I thought I was going to give up.

When I realize that I am alone in this world, crying alone.

I thought I was going to give up.

When I’ve done something wrong, not wanting to raise my face anymore.

I thought I was going to give up.

When I thought my depression has end and cured, but it’s not.

I thought I was going to give up.

When people giving yelled at me harsh word, with flaring eyes.

I thought I was going to give up.

And just, end my dream, my life, my world.


But I’m still here.

Don’t know,

What’s holding me back.

But I still survived, every time.

I thought I was going to give up.

Thanks, God.

Thanks, God. For giving me this opportunity to explore the world once more when I was almost gave up on myself.

Thanks, God. For opening my eyes and showed me that I deserves more.

Thanks, God. For giving me the experience to make me a grown up and make me mature.

Thanks, God. For all the things you have been giving me all this time.


Thanks, God. For everything.



I’ve been wandering around this world, watching people.

Watch how they react to certain people.

watch how they talk about certain things.

Watch how they would decide whether to leave or overcame their problems.


I’ve been watching people.

But I still can’t figure out how to handle myself.

How to overcome my fear.

How to stand up in this big stage.

How to speak without stutter.

How to talk about things without being laugh.


I’ve been watching people.

I guess that’s my problem.

I watched people with their doing.

I let them influenced me.

I let them running in my mind, stepping on pride.

I let them do what they want to me.


I let them.


I’ve been watching people.



Hi. If you think my posts are depressing and frustrating to read. I’m sorry.

It’s just who I am. These are what been running in my mind, so I just write them down to ease my mind.



I always have the feelings that people don’t like me for who I am.

I always have the feelings that my friends would talk about me behind my back.

I always have the feelings where everything I do is wrong in their eyes.

I always have the feelings that I have not done enough.

I always have the feelings that everything I do is useless.


I’m scared.

I am scared if they would feel like my existence would make them feel uneasy so I would sit in the corner while they make a group and and talk among them.

I’d prefer to be introvert so people won’t talk to me.

I’d prefer to shut my mouth than talking about my life to them and being judged.

I’m scared.

I have so much to say. So much to write.


I can sit all day in front of my laptop and doing this, writing my thoughts down in here.


My head is so full of random thoughts with emotions and feelings all mixed up making me messed up and stressed out.


Almost rhyme up those words 😉

I enjoys writing. I enjoys letting out my emotions here without people know who I am. People won’t know who I am because they won’t read these piece of trash load of shit.


So I guess I can do whatever I want. I can write whatever I wanted, whenever I feel like it.



Those who accidentally passing by. You better leave before you get yourself trap in my emotions.


P/S: Oh. I wrote on my widgets to asked you to read right? If you wanted to, then it’s fine. But if you think this kind of reading isn’t for you, I didn’t blame you if you hate my posts. Anyway, have a good day!